53% of young adults have used a dating app. It’s the place where most new couples meet now. On most platforms, there are more men than women. On Tinder the gender ratio is 3:1 and on Hinge it is 2:1. This ratio doesn’t necessarily mean men are doomed to fail. I like to think of it like a video game where popular roles have longer queue times.
There is nothing more magical about meeting someone in person than on an app. Most of the people you bump into in person, have been on a dating app. I’ve met people in person and it’s probably worse than the apps because I learn his age, hobbies and job later.
Whatever qualities you’re looking for in a partner, think about how many people live close to you and have them. Are you going to bump into them? What if their favorite cafe is different from yours? Even if you went to the same gym, what if they go to the gym at a different time each day? What if you just have different IRL hobbies but are fascinated by the same ideas?
I am frequently surprised by how rarely I bump into people I know even though I’ve lived my whole life in the bay area. There are hundreds of people I should recognize from high school but I notice someone maybe a few times per year. Your soulmate doesn’t have a glowing aura. You won’t recognize her. She looks like a cute girl, and there are millions of cute girls.
You’re not going to bump into your person. The chances are not in your favor. If only there was a way to look at pictures and personal details of all the cute, single people near you who were interested in dating!
Dating apps, when done right, should save you time. You can make sure someone is cute and your ideal type. They have the right background, hobbies, height, age, sense of humor, political views, religious views and attitude on drugs. You can do more filtering than in person. You can even text and call before deciding to go on a date. Filtering people might not seem romantic but you know what’s also not romantic? Dating someone who you’d rather not be dating. When the cute guy I met at a rave started vaping on our third date, I knew he wasn’t my person. It was like watching a bad movie. I don’t desperately wish I never met him but it was a waste of time.
In person mingling does seem optimal for couples that are at the peak of some kind of interest. If your entire purpose is breeding rare snake patterns, then yeah you need to go to some kind of snake convention and flirt there. But a lot of people do not center any particular activity that strongly in their life. The dating pool is much broader and confusing for the rest of us.
How To Win On The Apps
Options Are Not Real
Desirable people may have shown you interest, which is good, but prospects are not the same thing as a loving, deep connection. You could die and the girl from hinge you’re texting wouldn’t notice. People do this in many other areas of their life too, where they live in the shadow of their own potential. Love gets a lot better when you’re not wondering if this is ‘the one’ or not.
Know Your Target, AND Know How To Dodge Bullets
You are not catching all the fish in the sea. You are catching one fish. What kind of person are they like? What are they absolutely NOT like? What does your dream person want in a partner?
Sell Yourself, AND Turn People Off
Put your best foot forward while still being honest. Posing with a Porsche that isn’t yours might get you more matches but it’s just a way to disappoint gold diggers and waste your own time. If you can’t stand woke women, put a meme or reference in your profile that signals that in a subtle way.
Be Funny
Sometimes a guy friend shows me his profile and it’s not that he’s failing to be funny, he’s not even trying. Zero shots on goal. First try at all, then try to be better. The dating profile is an iterative process anyways.
Give Something For People To Reply To
Leave multiple easy openings that spawn interesting conversations you want to be having. I remember a guy I matched with put something in his profile about acting in a movie. And so I asked what it was and he was too embarrassed to tell me. Why do you have a door that says “open me!” and it’s locked. What are you doing, man…